Rest in peace with your little one

Last night I couldn't sleep. This is not unusual in our household. It is not unusual for us to have 4 people in our queen size bed all lined up like sardines. But it wasn't being so close to everyone else that made me struggle with sleep. In fact whenever somebody woke up, whenever somebody moved or wiggled I felt blessed. I did not mourn the loss of sleep that I experienced. You see, at 11 o'clock my husband arrived home. The kids were in bed and it was about time for me to head that way too. He was just returning from a funeral. A coworker of his, about our age, had died in a car accident. But it wasn't just her. It was her baby due in one month that had also been lost . I couldn't stop thinking about it. My husband described the visitation to me. The mom and the baby both in casket, the baby in the mom's arms. Both her introduction and her farewell to the world. It takes but a moment for things to end. That is why every time my kids elbowed me, talked in their sleep, asked for milk or said they were hungry I felt blessed. I did not know her and I hardly recognized her face. But I know she will be missed.

Sometimes I question heaven. Sometimes I question God. Is it just tradition? comfort? leading me to take part in church? To practice these stories each year? Christmas? Easter... ? Then something like this happens. I have no doubt this woman is in heaven with her baby. It is something I know. I can't explain it I just know it. 

Since I have had my children I have learned to trust my instinctual/inner knowledge. I know what is best for my children. I know what they need. It isn't what popular culture suggests. It is what my heart tells me. And today I am reminded by my heart that there is a heaven, there is a God and I have no doubt that this woman and her child are there.

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